Saturday, April 09, 2005

My walk with God: currently taking a rest break.

Hm. I seem to have fallen into that category of people I never understood. How can I possibly believe in God and still not do anything about it? It's kind of like that thing I heard before:

"It's not enough to say, I believe in God, isn't that enough? Why should I follow all these obscure commandments? I believe, and I'm generally a nice guy, I don't murder rob or rape." To which the reply is, biblically, "Even the demons believe, and tremble!"

Eh. I'm stuck in a rut. And true to form, thinking about it, not acting on it. I guess my relationship with God shares at least one aspect with my relationship with mom (though she would hate the comparison.. :( ) I want His (and her) approval over what I'm doing with my life.. to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" or even "Yo dog, I'm cheering for you all the way!" What I don't want, is being told, "Do this! Do that! Don't do that!" I guess, lots of things I want to find my own way, even if it's messy and screwed up. And when I'm stuck for ideas, or trapped, then I can ask for help, at my own timing.

But you know, I love CS Lewis' writing, and one thing he said fills me with sadness when I compare it to the above. Basically, he was describing for a lay audience, what is sin? Why does the Bible say that all men have sinned? It's not about eating an apple, or the act of being born (you know, like original sin). It's simply that sin, is living separately from God. And men sin, because we believe, in our pride and arrogance, that we can live independent from God, to live without His blessing in our lives, without His presence and guidance.

I'm gliding along, and God doesn't seem to have withdrawn His blessing.. but somehow it feels wrong. Yet, going back to that churched lifestyle, putting all my time and life into cellgroup and church.. doesn't feel right either..


Glen Davis said...

Perhaps there is a third way.

Email me if you'd like to talk more about it.

Zim said...

Thanks Glen. I'll email you soon!