I don't generally hold grudges - personal policy being it's much more miserable for myself than for the begrudged. If I'm offended, I'll usually forget it within a day and a night. Kind of like a short-term memory loss punchdoll - if you hit me accidentally I'll start frowning, but the next time you see me I won't be frowning anymore.

This generally means I also keep repeating certain "mistakes". But the upside of it is, I really don't ever find myself being miserable,that kind of bone-deep unhappiness that makes me feel like just being by myself. (Though I do like to be by myself now and then to read and stuff. This is more like wanting to be on a wind-blown plateau somewhere I can just scream and have only the echoes for company).

It's generally been a good way of life for me. In five years, I don't think I've ever been seriously unhappy. I like to think that to all my friends I'm just this guy who's always positive and happy, with some typically low-level bitching about poor service at a particular restaurant or having too much work at my job. Maybe a bit stupid in some ways - but I choose to be naive.

So why the hell am I so unhappy now?

Look, I'm done with sad, okay? I (expletive) refuse to be sad. So shut up mind, go away heart. I'm gonna be happy today, or else.