Monday, January 28, 2008

Marriage Preparation Course (part 1)

We finally attended our Marriage Prep Course, organized by Fei Yue.
There seems to be a surplus of dingy Middle Road office complexes concealing surprisingly well-maintained facilities inside, and our course was held inside one of these. 12 couples, one family-life educator (and I must confess, quite a well-spoken one, I was impressed). The course itself was quite useful as well, and I'd recommend it to any couple intending to get married. It certainly gave me a new viewpoint on many topics. I'm sure that for some couples, it would let them know that maybe they're not quite ready for marriage. And for others, it would prepare them better for a lifetime together.
My two main learning points from the first day of the course:

Why marry?
This is a doozy, but marriage is a commitment that goes far beyond love and lust, friendship and sex. So Chris (the FLE) is asking, is marriage definitely part of our life plan? My initial thought was, no, I don't have to get married. If I didn't meet KeY, and I never met another suitable girl, I'm perfectly content living life without ever getting married.
So - why get married? Love doesn't demand marriage..
And my answer - imperfect as it may be - is that I want to bind our lives together. To make that commitment before the whole world, legally, morally, in every way, to say that we are in this for the long haul. It's not a perfect promise, but in principle it's better than just telling KeY that I'll spend the rest of my life with her.

I don't know myself well at all
This is admittedly a strange lesson to come out from a marriage preparation course, but they kept asking us to rate ourselves and rate each other on various aspects. eg - Realist vs optimist, skeptic vs trusting etc. And I find I can't really answer the questions, even without having to worry about comparing with KeY's answers. I have a certain nature, yet my brain has overridden it at many levels. There's a saying about being comfortable enough with your loved ones to be yourself - I'm not sure I'm even comfortable with myself to be myself.


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